This system originated through David Pullman in the context of his House of Yum Cuddle Club. He’s happy to see it being adopted and adapted to meet the needs of other groups of people. We thank him for his creativity and generosity, as we and many other choirs have found this extremely useful. We prefer it to the more common “red-yellow-green” model, which implies an end goal of “green”. With the Bird•Cat•Dog model, all three choices contain their own wonderful traits and are part of the natural variety of life, so we can appreciate them exactly as they are.
(This method is used for our in-person gatherings, along with our COVID Safety protocols.)
The Bird/Cat/Dog Method is a way of collectively using a shorthand to communicate comfort levels with closeness.
After 2+ years of social distancing, isolation, and possible trauma regarding closeness and touch, we are creating a new culture around gathering: one that assumes a variety of comfort levels when gathering to sing.
Folks are asked to choose which of three animals describes their comfort level with being approached, and identify as such (until or unless their feelings change).
We identify ourselves vocally during introductions as a bird, a cat, or a dog, and sometimes add bird/cat/dog stickers to our nametags.
This is designed to be flexible and non-linear in its changes. We are not collectively, steadily progressing toward everyone feeling comfortable hugging again. That’s not the goal.
Rather, the goal is to practice identifying your own comfort levels on a given day and speaking up for them, while noting and respecting the comfort levels of others, using a playful, low-pressure, communal language.
You might choose one animal upon arrival, and feel like choosing another animal by the end. Or perhaps you’ll pick your animal for the day based on how high or low COVID rates are that week. Your animal might be chosen for you by your plans later that week, or if you have someone in your life who needs the added protection of you staying distant yourself, so you don’t bring COVID or other illness home to them.
Birds, Cats and Dogs all have wonderful, unique qualities about them. They are not better or worse for having different traits. They simply represent, in a neutral way, the splendid variety of valid ways to be in the world.
Birds: would prefer not to be approached. They are comfortable at a distance. This doesn’t mean we ignore them. Smile at birds, sing to them from afar, wave and dance around them. Just give them 6′ of space unless or until they come to you. (You never know – sometimes when a bird feels safe it might just fly over and perch near you. But they prefer to do the initiating.)
Cats: are ambivalent, or slow to warm, but are open to being physically close in the right circumstances. Approach too quickly or grab them in a hug, and a cat might dash off. As we emerge into a world of singing together again after so much isolation, it’s imperative that people’s nervous systems are able to relax. If you approach a cat, it’s polite to mask up before approaching closer than 6′, and/or ask before touching them.
Dogs: can’t wait for you to come on up and hug them. They are ready to mingle up close and mask-less, indiscriminately within the group.
Harmony is not Unison: Unity is not Uniformity. We can have different experiences, comfort levels, needs and personalities, and still belong to a cohesive community that celebrates our differences and commonalities alike.
This enthusiastic support for each other’s boundaries helps remove subtle shame or judgement that can creep in when folks go against the grain of the dominant culture (for example, being a Bird in a roomful of Dogs.)
As an Ubuntu choir, we are living and practicing Ubuntu in everything we do. When we remember that our choices affect one another, we are practicing Ubuntu. As such, we are making choices to make our community’s culture as safe as possible, for as many different kinds of people as possible.
Examples of How It Works:
These examples use hugs, but apply to all forms of closeness available at a singing circle. The animal you’ve chosen doesn’t tell you how to approach people: rather, it tells others how to approach you.
•A Dog is singing next to a friend they know, and sees a Dog sticker on that friend’s name tag too. They go right up and hug their fellow Dog friend.
•A Bird sees a Dog they know, and feel safe with. The Dog smiles and waves at the Bird. The Bird goes up to the Dog, and initiates a hug.
•A Dog sees a Cat are singing a song together. Some other folks are hugging while singing. The Dog holds their arms open, offering a hug to the Cat. The Cat smiles and shakes their head. They continue singing together without touching.
•A Cat sees a Bird they know, and offers a wave and a smile from 6′ away. If things flow naturally toward more proximity and the Bird approaches, fine, but it should not be expected. (The expectation is no touching/closeness unless the Bird initiates.)
Verbally asking someone if they would like closeness (a hug, for example) is always okay, even with Birds. Just be ready for, and supportive, of a “no.” Be ready to offer friendly non-touch gestures (wave, heart-shape with your hands etc) so you don’t default to your own habitual way of greeting someone.
photo borrowed from NY Times